Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize