yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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