508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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