If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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