She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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