Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
