My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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