girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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