I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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