If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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