Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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