none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
