I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
