You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I came so hard my ears popped.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize