I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
