You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I could fuck to npr.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
