The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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