No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
