i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
