that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize