i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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