the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
