Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
