I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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