First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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