He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
