I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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