I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well you can't waste a boner
Slut skills are useful in every country.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
