"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
