you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
