My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
