He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
