one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize