not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
