The maid of honor just puked.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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