sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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