I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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