i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my shit smells like andre
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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