I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
