I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
