Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
