he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You made out with two different species that night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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