If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
