i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
