Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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