Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
