I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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