he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
