He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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