I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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