you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
