K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
