Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
