Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
