I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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