I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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