he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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