I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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