she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
