Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize