forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
