What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
