I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
