My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
