Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
