Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
