well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
