Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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