If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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