drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
