My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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