It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
